True confession. Last week, where I thought I really wanted to be…needed to be…was at an amazing leadership conference, sitting with my friends in an auditorium full of world-changers. So much of my identity and worth was attached, is attached to me showing up in those spaces.
Introverted? Actually, yes.
But with an inordinate need to be visible, to be seen. Where it matters. When it matters. I crave the inspiration, the buzz, the synergy. Crave is not a good word, friends. Rarely. Oh, you can crave pickles and ice-cream when you are expecting. Or you can crave a cold shower when you have had a great workout. Those cravings on a scale of 1 to 10 would be like a low number.
This craving I have, that I think some of you might have, is one that needs to be wrestled to the ground with a cease and desist order. Once and for all. Because the myth, even the lie – that craving big spaces in the spotlight perpetuates – is that you need to be seen to be valued. So. Not. True.
When I really pressed in last week, I heard so clearly that the right place to be was right where I was.
I heard so clearly that my place of worth is not driven by context but by Presence. God always has me where He wants me because He’s got some things He wants me to know, to hear, to create. I would not be open or listening in a crowded room of louder voices, telling me how to be more, be better. The inspiration is credible and amazing, to be sure. But the craving for it is from a darker, more insidious origin.
I know myself. I know I am more quick to choose a place where other voices and powerful presentations fill the space in my empty heart. Maybe I’m even an addict for the ‘wow’. I am grateful I chose, with great effort, to give back my ticket for the ‘wow’ and instead chose to embrace the wonder.
There is no ticket required for the wonder.
The wonder of time to create and let my own voice come to the surface has a free entrance. I am unbound by the need to be anywhere but where I am.
I don’t need to be the right girl at the right place the right time to be seen.
The right place is where I’ve surrendered my agenda and opened up my soul to His presence. If you need me this week in August, you know where to find me. I am up north in Canada, dreaming about how God is calling His Canadian girls to rise to their collective voice to transform their nation.
First, I am listening for my own voice to find itself. This is my auditorium right here and I am seen by the audience of One. Exchanging my fear of missing out for the joy of missing out. Unbound, knowing that the wrestling will never settle itself but every time I get to choose wonder over wow. What about you?