You can only control that which you are aware of. That which you are unaware of controls you.
So…what do you control? If you see your life in concentric circles, in the inner circle, the core, would be those people and tasks that only you have a unique voice in: your significant other, or sibling or parent, your children, and the context where you spend most of time out of necessity for work or ministry. You have significant influence in this circle – use it. You have some control you can exercise here regarding quality of relationships, quantity of time and living your values in this close-knit community. You can also decide when and how it may be time to increase your circle of influence.
It is in those outer circles that we can help ourselves by just giving up control in regards to people or things we really have no influence over.
We spend too much time and energy trying to control things or people that do not place us in their inner circle of influence.
Usually, it is hardest to give up control over the things or people that we think we somehow own. We don’t anyone. We don’t own anything. All is given to us by a good Father who is asking us to steward relationships and things.
You cannot control by expectations anything that has not been mutually agreed upon by the other person.
I am learning, in this season, that surrender is the most audaciously courageous act I can render. It is an act of will to say, “I can no longer control this person, this thing, nor do I want to.” Let it go. The people you covet most to be in your core circle, and the dreams that you most want to come to fruition must be surrendered before they can find their way back to you. Giving up control is audacious. it always means that you must give up power and your right to be in charge. There is a profound humility in the act of surrendering, not only that which is outside your circle of influence that you shouldn’t be controlling, but also, and more poignantly, surrendering those people and things close to your heart that you think you can control. In the end, position your palms facing upward and offer it all up to God. Give up the need to be in charge and control other peoples’ responses. Give up the expectation that you in control. You’re not. He is. Love does not control, it releases. Think on that, in your next day of audacious leadership. And see what comes back to you.
You will become aware that the only thing you are actually in control of are your responses. Choose well. Respond out of love. Lead out of love. Control your spiritual, mental, physical and emotional quadrants. Be discerning. Study emotional intelligence and know that you are in a process of transformation.
Let others be who they are meant to be and leave the control of their lives to them. Give space for freedom and grace. Be audacious in this empowering, uncontrolling, unintimidating way. Jesus never chose our responses for us. Let others choose theirs. And give up the need to control…today.